Aaron and I both knew about a month into our relationship that it was forever and marriage was inevitable. I never believed people when they told me, but when you know you do really know. Fast forward four years to today, and damn how time does fly. We are not married, although sometimes we feel childish calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend so on occasion we refer to one another as wife/husband/fiance. Our reasoning for not getting hitched? Solely based on money. We cannot afford rings, the ceremony, the parties, the whole shebang. And we are both okay with this, we feel no need to make a public spectacle of our commitment to each other. There have been many discussions of just going to the courthouse to make it official one afternoon but we feel this would disappoint both sides of our family. Eloping, amazing as it sounds, poses the same problem.
The topic of marriage has recently come up more since Aaron and I found out we were pregnant. It has been brought up by family, friends and strangers. Living in a country with a divorce rate of higher than 50% it amazes me that people still feel as though expectant parents should be married. We are in no way less committed to each other than any married couple. Legality has nothing to do with it. The only thing that bothers me about not being married is that my daughter will have a different last name than me. The thought of signing her birth certificate with a different last name feels less family like, less whole. But something like that is only temporary. On the upside, she will get to be a part of our wedding when the day does present itself. The thought of her chubby little baby body walking down the aisle with us brings a smile to my face.
Emma, I haven't seen you in about 10 years, but I absolutely love these blogs. I think I've read every one that you have posted in the last couple months. I am so happy for you and Aaron, and if you aren't married I don't see a problem with that. It's your love and how you raise her together that matters. I can't wait to see pics of her when she is here and read about her personality. Congrats to you both!!
ReplyDeleteThanks! And I am so glad your reading my blog!
DeleteYour father loves both of you, and supports whatever you feel is best. You stepmother may have some ideas on the legal aspects of being married vs being partners, but otherwise, we're good.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what it entails but we are Texas Common Law married.
DeleteI forgt to add that if anyone feels strongly that we should be married and wants to foot the bill let me know and we will get married tomorrow ;-)
ReplyDeleteEmma, you may not have known but when you met Bob Trombley, my son, his last name was Trombley and my last name was Conley. Though I was married when my 2 children were born, I had chosen to keep my maiden name when I married their Dad. Neither Bob and Em, nor I ever felt it strange that we had last names. I was their Mom even though I had a different name. It was no biggie, probably because I didn't make it a big deal. The funny part, after divorce and 10 years as a single Mom, when I got married again, I still kept my maiden name. Mark, my husband now, and I had the discussion about names and my rational was..."I've been Peg Conley my whole life, why would I change my name now??". It was more lengthy of a discussion than that but that's the gist of it! At any rate, don't let the name thing be a big deal. It's not. What's important is your love for each other and the baby!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting Peg! While eventually I will take Aaron's last name, I completely agree that until then it isnt that big of a deal.
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