My New Body

I have been toying with the idea of writing this blog.  Should I? Should I not? Is it revealing too much to the world? Is it that important? Will it embarrass me?

Yes! It is that important! And yes it might embarrass me but it shouldn't and that is why I decided to write this.  I am trying to do things I normally wouldn't do out of fear or shyness and this is completely out of my comfort zone, so here we goooo...

This post will entirely be focused on the post-pregnancy belly, or "Jelly Belly" as I like to call it.  We all saw pictures of my ridiculously large belly which housed an even bigger Penelope.  Lets face it I looked like I might fall forward at any second, and probably not be able to get up.

Before I go in depth on this post I should give a little background.

Growing up I was always very skinny and athletic, even though I ate like an obese man.  I never really paid much attention to my body until after high school.  An interest in the fashion world, as well as a few other life experiences, initiated a distorted body image.  I was a size 0, creepy skinny, yet thought I was fat.  Any jiggle of my thighs would set me off.  Drinking water to feel full, eating a small salad as my only meal for the day, running 5 miles per day, etc.  I could go on and on.  This very unhealthy lifestyle lasted on and off for a few years.  Distorted body images and eating disorders aren't something that you are ever cured of.  I like to describe it as a constant radio with the volume on low.

Since I am the first one of my closest friends to have a baby I had no idea what my belly would like once Penelope came out.  And to be honest I never really gave it much thought.  It never really crossed my mind.  But from the looks of me at 40 weeks pregnant, it wasn't going to be pretty.  The day we went home from the birth center, which was the same day I had Penelope (yay!),  I looked like I was about 5 months pregnant but it was a weird pregnant.  It wasn't the rock hard baby belly I was used to, it was in fact, the complete opposite.  Thus, the birth of the Jelly Belly.  It felt like I swallowed the biggest bowl of Jell-O and it just planted itself in my stomach.  When I walked it wiggled.  When I laughed I looked like jiggly Santa Claus.

Now, at 2 months postpartum, I still have my Jelly Belly.  Its gotten significantly smaller and not as Jello-y.  I still cant button my work pants so I use my MacGyver-ing skills with a rubber band.  Some days I wish I had my flat stomach back but mostly so other people don't think I am still pregnant.  But the majority of the time I like my belly.  Now that's weird to say.  But when I look down and rub my belly it makes me smile.  That was Penelope's home, where she grew strong and giant.  

Yes my thighs, butt, and belly have gotten a bit thicker.  Yes I had to buy all new bras and some not-so-tight dresses.  Yes some days I silently wish for my old body back.  Yes some days that radio is louder than others and silencing it takes some work.  But I love my new body.  I finally feel like a woman.  Aaron also tells me how beautiful I am every single day, he loves the newly added curves.  He is my biggest support.